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- A scribe, to the vulgar inclined
- Wrote a play more gross than refined
- With words all four letter
- Hips, nips, tits and better
- Like those that have just crossed your mind.
- Seven ages, first puking then mewling
- Then very pissed with ones schooling
- Then fucks and then fights
- Then judging chaps rights
- Then sitting in slippers and drooling.
- There was a young man named Hood
- Who lived in a Nottingham wood
- He learned how to fuck
- From old Friar Tuck
- And he made Marion whenever he could.
- A carpenter living in Crewe
- Who had nothing whatever to do
- Once assisted a whore
- With the hinge of her door
- But he made her pay for the screw.
- There was a young lady from Exeter
- So pretty that men craned their necks at her
- One was even so brave
- As to take out and wave
- The distinguishing marks of his sex at her.
- There was a young man of Gwent
- Whose tool was so long that it bent
- To save himself trouble
- He put it in double
- And instead of coming he went.
- Dad waited whilst mum got the ham
- But when she came back she said, Sam
- That ones not our baby
- He answered, well maybe
- but look it's a much nicer pram.
- The orgy was held on the lawn
- And we knocked off two hours before dawn
- We found ourselves veiwing
- Twenty-two couples screwing
- But by sun-up they'd all come and gone.
- When daddy and mum got quite plastered
- And their shame had been thoroughly mastered
- They told their son Harry
- Son we never did marry
- But dont tell the neighbours you bas*ard.
- Said Miss Farrow, on one of her larks
- Sex is more fun in bed than in parks
- You feel more at ease
- Your ass doesn't freeze
- And passers by dont make remarks.
- There was a young man named Racine
- Who invented a fucking machine
- Concave and convex
- It would siut either sex
- With attractions for those in between.
- There was a young woman of Dee
- Who stayed with each man she did see
- When it came to the nest
- She wished to be best
- And practise makes perfect you see.
- There was a young lady of Ealing
- Who had a perculiar feeling
- She laid on her back
- And opened her crack
- And pissed all over the ceiling.
- A policeman from Nottingham junction
- Whose organ had long ceased to function
- Deceived his good wife
- For the rest of her life
- With the aid of his constables truncheon.
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